Keep Your Friends Close, but Your Enemies Closer

Almost everyone in America has heard the quote “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” Ever since the beginning of February I have been thinking of this saying a lot. When my dad started getting worse in November, I told myself that once he goes, I will find out who my true friends are. At the time I wasn’t very serious about it, but after looking back I realize who has my back and who is just along for the ride.

Traditionally when someone dies, they will receive a funeral wake and a funeral service, which is what we did for my dad. I never expected my “friends” to come to either, but I wanted my three best friends to come to both. The wake was on a Friday after school and the wake was the Saturday morning after. There were a few people from school who came that I was surprised came, but my three best friends arrived around the same time. The big differences between them were two, the tall and the medium,  came with their families and one, the short came with some of my “friends” who I wasn’t necessarily expecting to come.

Although the wake was a Catholic service, many people came who weren’t religious at all, but they came to support my family and I. I never directly said that I wanted certain people here, but I thought that they were going to just know me well enough that they would make the slightest effort to come to the service. The medium one skipped her grandmother’s 80th birthday to stay with me that day. The tall one, who I work with, came for about an hour before leaving to be late to work, which she is never late at. I was very heartbroken when my the short didn’t show up. She told me the night before that she was going to come, but she never did (she didn’t even come to the lunch in after). She told me later that she was too busy to make it. At first I just brushed it off, but what she doesn’t know is how much that one little day changed me.

When I got back to school, everyone would ask me how I was. I would just say that I was okay, but what I wasn’t showing was how disappointed I was in mainly her. Ever since, everyone has been on thin ice with me, but yesterday broke me and I sunk whoever was in the pathway, including her.

My tall fiend was apart of a mime at her church. She asked everyone she knew to go, and I told her I would push all of our friends to go also. So that was exactly what I did, but no one would go. The short one isn’t religious at all, but I still encouraged her to go to just show her support, but she kept making excuses like, “my mom wont let me,” or “I am busy,” but all of these were not the full truth. I knew she wasn’t telling the truth, which just heated me up, so after when I encouraged everyone on my social media to go to the next mime this weekend, she asked me why I was pushing it so much. I told her that it isn’t about religion at this point, but it is showing that you support your “best friends.” After she did a “no show” at my dads funeral service, I have been replaying the past years that we have been friends and realized that she has never really encouraged me in the things I liked to do and would show off, but I would for her.

This morning I replied to her finally telling her what I am feeling and how I have been interpreting her these past few months, but she wouldn’t even reply to me. I never thought that any of my friends would become my enemies, but with my mind always thinking of my life decisions, I am starting to realize that reality sucks.


Once Again…

We thought we would be done with the ugly term, cancer, for at least a few years, but it snuck up on us and once again striked my dad. This time was almost completely opposite. First of all, my dad went in a few months after having pain, so they diagnosed this one later. Second of all, this cancer was rare in people my dad’s age. It usually takes its victims when they are much older. Another difference was that this cancer had no known treatments, they could just slow down the process. No cutting it out this time. The biggest difference is that this was pancreatic cancer, not some type of skin cancer that is common and “easier” to remove. All of these factors have made it extremely difficult on all of my family for the past year and a half.

When my parents first told my siblings and I about my dad I experienced multiple emotions. Some included grumpy, confused, depressed, sad, lonely, and grateful. I had at first wondered why it had to be my dad and not someone else’s, but then later realized that I was being super selfish. After a while I wrote, which I never do, I wrote down 8 words in all caps, “I WILL NEVER WISH THIS UPON ANYONE EVER!” Ever since, I have wanted to, but I always catch myself before actually completing the sentence in my mind. Everyone always has that one thing that they would never in a million years wish upon their worst enemy, and this is mine.